the more i think about it....

i've been accused of thinking too much. and i do. i imagine every single possible outcome of every single potential situation. it's somewhat exhausting. and, ironically, things NEVER happen the way (or 100 ways) i imagine they will. so why bother???
i. don't. know.
really, i wish i could let go and allow my life to just happen. i tried to adopt an attitude that shouted, "it's whatever." some of it IS whatever, but not all of it. not the things that could potentially turn out well. like my current relationship, for instance.
i've been in serious relationships before. i've been through the phases where *gulp* marriage is discussed, but never that seriously. and i've also been left heartbroken when the "undying love" stops and the issues that caused whatever problems proved too much to handle.
i guess this time is different.
i'm in love with my best friend. he gets me. he understands my quirks, he's willing to compromise for me to be happy (don't worry, i'm willing, too). he's smart, successful, stable. never been married. no kids. funny. goofy. pretty much perfect.
so why do i assume it's going to end like a greek tragedy?
i mean, we've already been through the bad part. we lost each other for a while. which made both of us realize how much we really care. but it's been ingrained in my mind that my emotions aren't real and won't last (thanks, DS, for that). i've also been taught that what men tell me is only true until it's too hard to keep trying.
despite all the things i've learned from my relationships (both romantic and otherwise), the most important i've finally figured out is to let go of the fear and just go for it. really, what's the worst that could happen? okay, okay. a lot of bad could happen. but who wants to go through life not living it, right?? as the captain from WALL-E says "i don't want to survive. I WANT TO LIVE!!!"

touche, captain. :]